Aha moments

As I embark myself closer to my dream to become a trainer, I go to ICF event to build network and to gather more knowledge on what training available out there.

On 29th October 2012 an event called "Aha Moment".
Without much expectation I join the program.  During those one hour program I learn about Aha moment and how to invite it when we needed.  It was quite interactive way using outlet like drawing on a blank paper.  The whole one hour flows so fast.

There was a doorprize, which is the book from the speaker itself Kevin Cottam. 
Out of 30-40 people I got the prize a book about Aha, the full title called "Aha mother's pearls" a book consist of 27 inspirational stories.  I guess universe work mysteriously and let the book fall to me probably I needed the book the most.

I read couple of the chapters (or pearls) but somehow got caught up with all the hustle bustle of office and left if for a while.  I know I need to read it further only last week when I fly to Jakarta to attend my 6 seconds EQ training. I bring the Aha mother's pearls book to accompany me while waiting on the MRT, check in on the airport and on the flight.  I remember Kevin said he finds a lot of experiences during flights, and I do to, this time my experience is with this book.

I like the chapter about Consistency and Intuition. It gives me an Aha of myself on these pearls
Consistency - It reminds me to keep being the best of me everyday , it is not easy but one need to strive.
Intuition       - It reminds me that sometimes we can't ignore our heart eventhough how aluring the materialistics benefit be.  Sometimes there are things which can be answered by thinking alone and needs feeling to work together.
These are just 2 out of 27 inspirational stories of Kevin's life around the world.

Thank you Kevin for teaching me a glimpse of Aha moment and also thank you for taking time to write a book full of wisdom, I definitely learn a lot.

More about Kevin and his book can be found in this link
http://www.kevincottam.com/  

Negotiate in long term base

When we negotiate do we see bigger picture of things, do we see it from ecological point of view.  Do we see things from perspective of me, the person who we negotiate and the best possible influence to the environment  (the ecology).

Negotiation is not about getting what we want , negotiation is about getting the best result for both the supplier and the customer , to gain the win win solutions.
It may not be that we have to win all the time. 

Negotiation has a lot to do with making sure that we don't become nasty or the person we negotiate become nasty.  It may not always be the case but always thrive to find the balance.

If we can let someone win and not bruise their ego and it can benefit the long run of ecology perhaps that is the one thing need to be considered.

There is definitely a fine line between assertive before we cross the board to become plain nasty.  It is very easy to caught up in a heated negotiation that the result would turn out ugly for both sides.  Just because we feel that the other person should pay!  This is his fault!

Are we still in the land of right or wrong?  Or should we move to a different belief? Belief that we thrive for the ecological balance and for long term relationship. 
Thrive to negotiate where the production capability will sustain for future generation.

It is very easy to be in negotiation where we sacrifice our golden goose (long term potential relationship) just to gain additional golden egg by slaying the goose one day earlier.  You will gain short term gratification that ends a relationship.

It is very important to negotiate that last for good. 

The wrong should pay!

A couple weeks ago we had add window films to our house.  The installment was not as succesful as we would like it to be there are 5 windows that was not fit properly. 
By instinct like any other great customers I file a claim not realizing after we have launch a claim we then start calculating of how much does it cost for the supplier to compensate it. It was mere couple of dollars only.  Though by rights I should receive a perfect fit on the window and if we go to right or wrong the supplier is wrong as simple as that so the supplier must pay!

Do they?  Do we really live in a world where things are govern by right and wrong.
Is there absolute truth? The truth is there is no absolute truth.
All are govern by our own perspective and perceptions of what is right base on our reference, value and beliefs.

My take on this event is that sometimes it is worth to calculate of how much are we going to gain from the claim versus the time that we would be in the situation.  Of course there will be time your inner voice would say "This is not about the money, this is principle!".  Is it? or more like ego?
When the gain is not worth the time mind as well drop it.
We do not have to win every battle concentrate on winning the war.
Always prioritize longterm to short term , the grandeur picture of things.
In simplest way would be to learn to let go and move on there are much more important things to take care.

Don't sweat the little stuff.  The little stuff/distractions that hold us up from our purpose our dream to be here for whom for what we are created.
Please always remember that.


 

Waiting Actively

Part of life would be to wait either for a bus, an mrt, a ticket show, cashier and all other stuffs.  During those moments are we using the time to our advantage?  It is easy to check out our mind during the commute to the office. We can always do the famous "anywhere but here game" but does it gives us benefit in the long run?  Most probably not.
So why not dig down inside and find that dream that goal that has been buried due to hustle bustle of our city lives. Clean it up in our mind's eye make our goal shinier as ever.
Once it is visible it is time to wait actively.  Instead of checking out our mind from our body let's prepare on things we need to do to support our long term goals/dreams.
Just like a farmer who has not seen an inch of his harvest would oil his tractor, calling his distributors, buying enough fertilizers and do all other stuffs to get ready if when the crops will spring. 
Waiting may not be the most fun thing in the world so always prepare yourself with book, notebook or any means that can make you closer to your goal.  Smartphone seems to be an option as well these days.
When you are waiting and visualized your dream on and on and on, you would soon realize that when the event does come, it comes naturally.  It becomes second nature and you can follow through the opportunity flawlessly. 
Your posture would be different when you wait actively, your body would start to appreciate the goal and when the body feels appreciated it will send lovely message to the mind.  And when the mind starts to think beautifully and actively the light inside of us will start to emit. 
The fire within will then light our soul our purpose in live for whom and for what we are exist.

When we are touched and moved spiritually, it is very hard not to succeed.



Source of inspiration : Joel Osteen.

Journal

It has been a while for me to start my journal again.
From setting my long term goals, short term goals, interest, open issue list, schedule, weaknesses, strengths and other stuff.
It feels good.

One thing about setting goals it that you don't really go to too much on how you will going to achieve it just believe you can and go from there.

From there I start to break them into long term goals and short term goals.

From short term goals I will then break it into schedule and open issue list.

Open issue lists would be those that I can do with a certain period of time and end it.  For instance like buying certain book and memorize it.  Make a presentation for certain topic and practice how to present it.

Schedule would be those that I need to do to "sharpen the saw". Like any other skills there are numbers of hour to be pledge upon.  Hamburg Rules of 10.000 hour in order to get to a place where we would be competent at skills and doing it unconciously.  The schedule works more for lifestyle related changes.

One of the schedule would be to write a blog on weekly basis.  This of course to challenge my brain and my writing skills at the same time.  The more you do it the more you would become.

Weaknesses and Strengths would be part of the skills that I need to polish further or to ask help from my colleague.

These are some of the points I made in my journal.
What about yours?  Have you  start making your own journal?

Every giant leap starts with a small step.  So let's start, let's start with something as little as creating a file or buy a book where you can update your journal.
Make your journal as fun and as exciting as your life would be.

A journey that does not have up and down may not worth the journey.
So let's go and have fun :)


 

Power of Love

Woke up on Sunday flipping channels and got caught in one interesting title called "
Screening Humanity" in KBS world.  The reality show is about an Indonesian lady who married a Korean man with impaired hearing and speech.  They have three sons all are healthy.  There were so many touching moment in the episodes.
At glance we would think how can they survive with all the bills to pay electricity, gas etc but yet they make the best out of their lives.
From harvesting sesame seed, drying red chilli, having an affordable picnic.
Throughout the movie I am amazed of how much Mari (the Indonesian lady) would love her husband and their parent in law so much.  Such a big heart no complain and constant laughter throughout live.
There was one scene where the mother in law goes to the bank to deposit some of her money, the cameraman ask "what is it for?".  She said she feel guilty and sin to brought a child without perfect hearing and speech hence he can't get a better salary, so she is keeping all the money for her grandsons tuition where every 5 days she would go to the bank and deposit the earning.
Such love and such affections - a mom is a mom, they don't really think about what if they get old they need medication etc what they go for is their son's and grandsons' welfare first.  Human instinct to take care of the next generations.  Lesson learn about love in life.
The final episode was closed with them going picnic and the last scene was Mari having her monologue.
Her message to her husband " I will take care of our children and make sure they would grow alright, and I will be your ear and mouth.  I love you."

Such love inspired us as human to love one another, no matter what the circumstances and how the persons are.  Powerful message indeed.

Mari your laughter and your persistence has definitely inspired more than just your family.

A lady with a big heart.

Positive Psychology : The Science and Steps to Happiness

While reading the church advertisement, I saw add about happiness.  Hmmm...interesting so I just check it out.  It was a 2,5 hour seminar on Saturday, I thought mind as well attend it as to sleeping all day long.  And so I did.

No expectations just wanted to know what is this "positive psychology" is all about and what is got to do with happiness.

To my surprise being happy was not that difficult - if we really want to do it and really dedicate time for it. 

The lecturer is the head and senior consultant , dept of psychological medicine in Khoo Teck Puat Hospital.  Dr Christopher Cheok. The lesson that he taught was not something new and he is humble enough to show all the materials was coming from book and the internet.  You can see he is very happy on giving the presentation he dedicate his time to help and to promote mental health in Singapore together with the Clarity organization. 

Not new material does not mean it is not effective. 
Just simply try some of the exercises and I feel good already.

Exercise as simply as gratitude to all the things that we have right now.
By remembering 3 good things that happen to us on daily basis.
Watch funny movie.  Or create a gratitude letter.

Just to take some of my own exercise on 3 good things.
1. I thankful that I can wake up early on Saturday well and vibrant
2. I thankful for my wife
3. I thankful that I can walk and take MRT without a problem

Nothing much ,right?  Wrong.  The gratitude for all the little things are the fuel to achieve the best results in live.  How can somebody be enough if he never feel satisfied to what have been given?
So starts small. 

And I made my gratitude letter as well, the good thing about gratitude letter is that it does not have to be given to the person yet you can feel the difference.

All are very simple yet effective.

Thank you Dr. Christopher Cheok for spending the time to remind us all the little things that we can do to be happy.

He quoted a couple of references :
1. www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu
2. Flourish by Martin Seligman
3. Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman

Email one of the time killer around

It is easy to be trapped in the multimedia environment.  I never knew how much time and energy was drained just reading email from my mobile.  It is what I called mixing important and urgent at its best.  So I started to calculate how much time I spent writing one email on my laptop and writing the same more less email in my mobile, to my suprise it took 30 minutes for a 10 minutes time email. Which mean although I feel better (for just a moment)  where I can see no more pending tray on my cellphone at the same time I have absorb 3 times the time needed.

It is very very important to pick battle in order to win a war.  Either you shut your mobile and let it be tomorrow's problem or you would select email based on person's name (you don't want to ignore your boss do you) and base on the subject but then again subject can fool us. There are too many urgent is put on the subject  which hard to separate with the important ones.

Aside from the time spent , energy is spent also because you would be doing that on your rest time after going home from office, we are not meant to be working or constantly in the aware state at all time, it's like a caveman being alert at all time for any wild animals to come, they decided to live in a cave and takes turn to watch the surroundings.  We should do like the caveman take a rest conserve your energy and be back vibrant on the next day.  Cherish your time and energy , honor your own body.

A body that has been disrespected in few years may bite you at the end.  Instead of asking what can you do for the company perhaps it is about time to ask why are you doing what you are doing.  Why is it important for you to answer that email?  The question is important not why is it urgent to answer that email? 

Being a know everything is not helping either, sometimes you just want to help just because you know doesn't mean you have to answer it.  Is it selfish?  well again time is the essence here we only have 24 hours a day.  If every questions from any directions had to be answered we may end up exhausting ourselves.  So what to do then?  One thing for sure to have many FAQ or ready answered questions made hence the same repetitive questions can be avoided.  Find pattern for the questions that keep coming to you.

Experts doesnt mean that you would share your knowledge all the time, there will be time when you have to choose which battle you want to win for the day.  So it's about prioritization as well.
Create focus focus focus.

Personally I would go with coming in early have a clear mind and start replying my email.  Oh one more thing don't start reading all incoming email after work on your cellphone, at the end you will read it twice in the office anyway, not worth the time.  We read email once per email.  We may read the attachment one or twice depends on the complexity of the attachment but not the email.

You can be easily overloaded just by reading emails.  Oh one more thing please please do not reply all when you don't have to.  And those thank you word , perhaps we can hold it I think we can sufficiently work without a one liner thank you reply - a bit harsh but seeing 100 emails with 10 of them are a one liner thank you messages - you probably in a very kind loving company...

Eating an Elephant in the Dark

So what happened if you eat an elephant in the dark?
Hmmmm probably you ate more than you can chew.

Eating elephant in the dark is like managing a project without knowing how big the scope is hence you never think of getting help (resources) nor know how long are you going to keep chewing. This of course under the assumption the scope only have size as the challenges sometimes scope can shift which create another problem the elephant goes around and you are chewing air (scope shift). 

Can you imagine eating an elephant while it's running you may get an air bite (non added value task, running ramp without a clear focus), or even worst got trampled by one (a disaster)!

So what to do?

Define the scope, scope can creep and it always does so make sure you have buffer of resources and time.  Shed some lights to the room, ask around find the edge of the room hence you know how far can the elephant goes.  It can start from having a flash light once you get more requirements the uncharted room becomes less complex, open the window to get more sun coming in (but please not let the elephant jump out the window).  Aaah finally you can see the elephant how big the size is and what color does he have, it is a pink cute elephant (you would not expect that would you?)

Make a project charter this is sort of the killing action , yup it is quite scary indeed and it has to be done because a cute pink elephant will run around in the bright room and it would be difficult to pin him down, right?  So a project charter define and describe what we are after and what is the outcome.  When you get a vivid enough outcome - SMART goal.  We then smack the head of the elephant to put it unconcious (please mind this is all methaporically speaking no animal was hurt in the event)

When you see a pink elephant you would then know that it would be stupid to attempt to chow down such big size of meat.  This is where we need to break the task into small bite size from there we can then decide whether we want to increase the resources or to extend the time.

Define the resources, now you know how big it is, time to call friends to have a party and have a splendid feast.  So you start calculating if within one seating you can eat 300g of meat, and this elephant weigh at 3 tons, you probably need 10.000 people to come. Or you split the party into numerous events which lead to longer completion with less people. It can be done through this as well.  When you go to your facebook you realize you only have 1000 friends hence you may not be able to complete this with one party hence you can define the time.

Define the time, now you know how many friends you have, time to break them into a certain spand of time.  Like my friend always says "anything is possible with time and money" and there is a truth to it.
So now we just calculate the amount of time needed, if you only have 1000 friends that means you need to throw 10 rounds of parties that is a lot of event isn't it.  And always always have buffers, it is known that not all of the time our resources can come to the party and sometimes party can have malfunctions this is where Risk Assessment comes.  For this example let's just say 500 (50%) friends come at all parties as average and 20% malfunction parties from there you can then calculate how many more parties you need.  So the buffer becomes 10 parties X 200 % (for the people) = 20 parties with 20% possibility of malfunction we bump it up to 24 parties. 

If every parties has 2 weeks gap that means you will need 48 weeks to accomplish this.

Than goes to Gantt Chart to map out the project plan! 

So can you eat an elephant? The answer is "yes,you can!" - within less than a year we would end up with couple of bones only!